Day 15: 19 November

Dear Coco – 

Again I’m writing by flashlight with the red lense in it!  I can’t wait to get out of here and have my life back. 

Me and another girl were talking today.  She’s married and much more mature than most of the other girls here.  We both agreed that we have doubts if this is the right thing for us and how much do we want to be here.  The conversation came up because we have a test on Saturday and if we don’t pass they will restart us through basic training again.  All I know is that if I’m made to restart then its a clear sign that this is not meant to be at all and I’ll find a way to get out of it.  I want to live my life or at least be able to be in contact with the people who I care about most.  

As I was standing in formation (I was outside waiting to in line to get lunch) I noticed the seasons.  There’s a group of trees that are behind where we eat when we are outside and everyday in line it’s like I use them as a measure of how far along the season have gone. Today I noticed that all of the leaves were basically gone from the small grove of ash trees.  I guess winter is fast approaching!  I watched the wind move through the leaves and wished I was somewhere else hiking and being able to relax in the complete serenity of natur.  I miss quiet times of peace.  For some reason today the idea of leaving and going to India to study yoga seemed like a greater idea than normal. 

I have that feeling that this isn’t going to fulfill me in my life.  I know its ‘boot camp’ but I now have doubts.  Not doubts that I can do it.  I can do it, it’s really sort of easy but doubts about if I want to do it and if doubts about if I want the life afterwards.

Maybe it’s just that I’m overly hungry and tired today. Haha . . .

I wonder about what everyone else is doing . . .  What is everyone in real life doing and if they remember me at all.  I’ve only gotten letters from Mom and Dad. 

Anyways, good night.

Xoxo

Mia

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