Dear Coco –
Well, I made it through one full week of Basic Training! Yay! Tomorrow we have our first combat march in the morning with our gear. Should be interesting, or at least a good workout.
Today we had a class on basic combat life saver skills. The biggest think I learned was do not go save someone, finish engaging the enemy and then go help your battle buddy (friend). I guess that’s opposite of what I would actually do. Hahaha . . . Do you know that 80% of causality deaths are due to hemorrhaging? Basically soldiers bleeding out on the field . . . Very sad.
I was eating dinner or stuffing as many calories into my face in a ten minute period that I could and I couldn’t help but wonder if this really was my path. I knew the Army had the whole kill/war thing but it’s so much more than I expected. And there really are a lot of uneducated people here. Hahahaha … I guess that’s why people join, to get the ‘free’ money for college. Hahahaha . . . Like my biggest worry right now is no mental stimulation! I guess I thought of our conversations about working together and I think that’s something I would really like. I miss that aspect of my life right now.
Yes, I know it’s only been one week and it’s not that bad here. More of a culture shock than anything . . .
My mind drifts . . . I wonder if I’ll see you over Christmas. Will I see my friends? Will I still be able to have a drink without worrying about something else? Then I let those thoughts pass. There are lots of thoughts now. THAT seems like one thing I will always have, lots of thoughts. Floating thoughts that I were were reality but I know they are not. Thoughts about dreams, about what I want to do later on in life or in another life.
It would be so easy to let this place take me. So easy to loose myself in the fantasy and stay there protected from all this harshness around me. I long for those easy nights when sleep would take me away peacefully. Now sleep comes in like a wrecking ball and knocks me completely off my feet.
I scared too. Scared that I will become hard and sterile here, closed to the world and the beauty of it all. I want to run away and hide away in bliss and farm and cook in my own retreat. But, I know that this is a means to an end. An end that hopefully is just a new beginning to everything.